Funny Things to Hold in Your Hand

It's always great to be the funny one in the group. And it's the best compliment when someone says you are funny. But how to be funny? Well, no one can answer that, but you can at least say some funny things and become the center of attention. So here we have listed out some funny things to say!

Funny things to say

• Excuse my naivety – I was born at a very early age.
• I'm not as think as you confused I am!
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Take my advice — I'm not using it.
• The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
• If you want to look young and thin, hang out around fat old people.
• Whoever said money don't buy you happiness just didn't know where to shop!
• If you think no one cares if you're dead or alive miss a couple of credit card payments.
• A guy walks into a bar … OUCH!
• We consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.
• It is not that I trust you. I am just feeling lazy today.
• Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.
• If you lend someone money and you never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
• A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that you can get from your wife for free.
• I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
• Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
• I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. (Naughty Zsa Zsa Gabor!)
• An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

Funny things to say to girl

You must have heard that girls like the funny guys the best. And if you too wanna be that funny guy then take a look at this one and find funny things to say to a girl.

• "I sure hope lady, that you know CPR, cos you are taking my breath away!"
• "I'm addicted to 'Yes', and I'm allergic to 'No'. So what's it gonna be?"
• Can you fix my cell phone?
• (Girl – What's wrong with it?)
• For some reason, your number isn't in it.
• I'll make you a deal
• (Girl – What?)
• I'll give you a kiss and if you don't like it, you can return it.
• My next drink is on you!
• (Girl – Why?)
• I saw you and dropped mine.
• "Hi, I am Marv. My full name is Marvelous. You must be Beautiful!"
• "Have you ever been to the moon?" (Girl – no) "Wow, me neither. Gosh, we are so alike!"
• "What are you doing this evening?" (Girl – nothing) "Let's do nothing together then!"
• "Hi, I am Phillips Adam Shankman. How about we take a walk to remember and make things better!"
• "Girl, I know what you did last summer. Wanna do something similar this winter?"
• "How on earth do you do that?" (Girl – what?) "Look so damn good!"
• "Girl, will you stop getting any hotter? You are killing the poor thermometer!"
• When a girl stares at you, say, "Wait! Before you cast those dreamy eyes on me, I want to get my maps and GPS ready. Okay, go!"
• Hold out your hand and say, "Would you be kind enough to hold this while I go out for a walk?"

Funny things to say to guy

Guys also like the funny girl equally but not all the time you have funny things to say to a guy. And that's where our article will help you. We have listed out some of the best funny things to say to a guy.

• 'I can't decide what I want more, food or you? Food… No, you. Maybe, food on you!'
• I want you to have a candle-lit dinner and say those magical three words to you… Pay the bill!
• 'I am not a photographer, but I can still picture you and me together…in my bed.'
• I have spent many sleepless nights in your love and I don't want my son to do the same for your daughter… so lets make them brother and sister.
• You are under arrest for being too cute. Your punishment is to be silent and if not followed then you will be silenced with kisses.
• 'If you were a vegetable you know what you'll be? A cute-cumber!'

Funny things to say to Siri

Some times you like to just have fun with Siri instead of giving it orders or asking the smartest questions. So we have listed out a few funny things to say to Siri

• DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?
• DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
• HOW MUCH DO YOU EARN?
• SIRI, I'M DRUNK.
• WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?
• HOW MUCH WOOD WOULD A WOODCHUCK CHUCK…?
• WILL YOU MARRY ME?
• SIRI, YOU'RE STUPID.
• DO YOU SMOKE?
• WHAT ARE YOU DOING AFTER WORK TODAY?
• WHY DID APPLE MAKE YOU?
• WHAT DOES SIRI MEAN?
• WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

Funny things to say to friends

Do you want to be the funny guy in your group? Well, we have a few funny lines that can help you with that. Take a look at the below-listed lines and find our funny things to say to friends.

• It's nice to know that I have a company for spending my eternity in Hell. So happy you're such a bad influence! Love you more than anyone in the world, buddy.
• I can't stand you. You're crazy, annoying, and you laugh too loud. Well, I guess you're just like me. That's why I can't imagine my life without you, weirdo.
• We're best friends because my sense of humor is the same as your… non-existent.
• You're annoying. You're weird. You're crazy. You're stupid. You're clingy. You're… just like me.
• If we're on a plane that was about to crash and there was just one parachute… I promise to give the best speech at your funeral.
• Damn you must really be a loser to find a friend in another loser like me.
• I'll swim through an ocean to save you. Ok, not an ocean but a pool definitely. But not too deep though because you know… I don't want to wet my hair.
• If we were last people on Earth and there was just one piece of food left… I would burry you with all my respect. You're going to have the best funeral, buddy!
• I can't believe how lucky you are to have me as your best friend. I'm so jealous of you, mate. Just kidding, your kinda okay as well.
• Hey, gorgeous. Do you believe in friendship at the first sight? Well, I definitely do since I met you. Let's get completely crazy together.

Funny things to say to best friend

• The only reason we're friends is that you know way too many of my secrets.
• I'll never give you a shoulder to cry on 'coz damn don't dirty my t-shirt.
• Don't worry my friend, if you ever fall down… I'll always be there to take a selfie and post it on Instagram.
• I knew it was friendship as first sight when I saw that we are the same kinda crazy.
• Good friends are those who not share common interests, but are the same levels of stupid.
• I know, it is so hard to friend who's loyal, caring, honest and cute. Lucky for you, I'm all of those and more!
• I feel horrible about myself for not having accomplished anything in life… but then feel better when I see where you are. Thanks for being my best friend.
• Friendship is like turd. No matter where you are or what you're doing, a bit of it is always there inside you.

Funny things to say to boyfriend

It's always nice to say a few funny things to your boyfriend and let him know you are the funny one in the relationship. So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend.

• 'Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.'
• 'Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. Do you have a job for me?'
• If kissing is the language of love then we have a lot to talk about.
• 'Excuse me, I just dropped something looking at your pictures again… My jaw!'
• 'Do you know how much do penguins weigh? Enough to break the ice. Hello!'

Funny things to say to girlfriend

Girls fall for you, even more, when you make them laugh so why not make laugh the most important person in your life! Here are a few funny things to say to girlfriend.

• "How on earth do you do that?"
• (Girl – What?)
• "Look so damn good!"
• "Is your dad Liam Neeson? Because I'm Taken with you."
• "If you were a phone of Apple, then you would be called iGorgeous!"
• "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass by you again?"
• "If you were Christmas, I would be the Grinch who stole you!"
• "Girl, you are so delightful, cheerful, and bright, you can make Batman rent an apartment and abandon his cave!"
• "Hi there, miss! How about doing some community work by sparing some space for the needy? Let's move in together!"
• "I think I am gonna buy a Polar Bear." (Girl – why?) "I am gonna use it to break the ice between us!"
• "Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?"
• Say with a careless tone, "Lady, you better direct that beauty somewhere else or you'll set the bar on fire."
• "Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you."
• "You must go and see a doctor lady! (Girl – why?) You have 'BEAUTY' all over your face!"
• "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass by you again?"
• "Do you have a Band-Aid? I just scraped my knee falling for you."
• "I'm not a photographer, but I can picture us together."
• "You're so stunning I just forgot my pick-up line."

Author: Shyami Goyal

whitebrour1997.blogspot.com

Source: https://questionsgems.com/funny-things-to-say/

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